WHO'S BEEN NAUGHTY AND WHO'S BEEN NICE THIS CHRISTMAS?

Christmas is fast approaching and Santa will have been keeping a close eye on the football world to see who’s been naughty and who’s been nice so far this season across Europe. Most European leagues are nearing the halfway stage so Father Christmas will have had plenty of time to decide who’s getting a brand new PS3, and who’ll be waking up on December 25^th to find an empty stocking.

NICE

FC Barcelona

The stand out team so far this season. Santa’s been very impressed with their beautiful passing and dribbling, but also with their grit and determination. Of course there’s nothing Santa could give them that would trump their 5-0 demolition of Real Madrid, but one of Messi, Xavi and Iniesta will be getting something extra this year, the Ballon D’Or. It says something about Barça’s niceness this year that all three are being considered for the award.

The Surprises

Football isn’t just about the flashy superstars; it’s also about the little guys that try hard. The first half of the season has seen many newly promoted teams make big impacts in Europe’s major leagues. Brest, Hercules and Blackpool have all shocked the French, Spanish and English leagues respectively. Brest’s solid spine, Hercules’ big name performers and Blackpool’s stylish football have all impressed observers in Lapland. Most football fans expected it to be a miserable Christmas for these three small clubs, but all have been brave and positive and have beaten some of European football’s biggest names this season. All are in line for a special treat as a reward for their fearless approaches to the big time.

Young Managers

Sir Alex Ferguson’s nearly as old as Christmas itself, and his Manchester United team currently top the English Premier League. But look at the other major European league leaders. In Serie A Massimiliano Allegri’s (43 years old) AC Milan are leading the way. In Germany 43 year old Jürgen Klopp has steered Borussia Dortmund to the top of the Bundesliga. André Villas Boas, the head coach of Portuguese table-toppers FC Porto is only 33 years old. Barcelona’s Pep Guardiola is only 39. Lille’s Rudi Garcia is only 46 years old, and PSV’s Fred Rutten is 48. This means all of Western Europe’s major league leaders apart from the English Premier League are managed by under-50s. That’s right; nearly half way through the season and not a single manager over 50 is top of La Liga, Ligue 1, Serie A, the Bundesliga, Primeira Divisao or the Erdivisie. These youngsters have been showing the oldies a thing or two, and have worked themselves onto Santa’s nice list.

Gareth Bale

The young Welshman’s been the star of the Champions’ League so far this season. His quick feet, accurate crossing and speedy runs have all helped draw the attentions of some of Europe’s biggest clubs.  His hat-trick against European Champions Inter was spectacular, and got many pundits suggesting that Bale might be the World’s best left-sided midfielder. But Santa doesn’t just watch the Champions’ League and he’s seen Bale match his European exploits with solid shows for Spurs in the Premier League. Bale will definitely be having a merry Christmas, and though he’s pledged his future to Spurs there’s little doubt he’ll find his name on many top clubs’ Christmas lists this year.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic

The big Swede’s not everybody’s favourite; he’s certainly not my favourite. Too often in the past he’s failed to turn up for the big occasions and his dreadful spell in Spain was confirmation for many that he’s a lazy, overrated dope that goes missing against the world’s top defenders. As if Ibra couldn’t make himself more unlikeable he returned to Italy, joining former side Inter’s arch-rivals, AC Milan. He instantly became the most unpopular man in Milan and at this point Santa was getting ready to scribble his name onto the naughty list. But after a tricky start to the season Ibrahimovic has settled in well in his favourite league. Scoring the winner against his former employers in the Milan derby instantly endeared him to the rossoneri fans. Ibrahimovic has re-established himself after his nightmare in the Catalan capital, scoring nine Serie A goals so far this season.  Santa will appreciate his higher work rate and desire to remind people of what he’s like at his best.

NAUGHTY

Rafael Benitez

When the lovable Spaniard arrived at the San Siro in the summer his new Inter side had just won the treble for the first time in their history. The charismatic José Mourinho was a tough act to follow, but things looked good for Benitez after he succeeded in keeping Wesley Snijder and Samuel Eto’o at the club. Benitez was given a tough baptism as Inter boss, losing 2-0 in Monte Carlo to Atletico in the European Super Cup. Following the disappointment in Monaco his Inter were held to a shock 0-0 draw on the opening day of the Serie A season by Bologna. Benitez has found it tough adapting to life in Serie A. Defeat against local rivals AC Milan triggered mass criticism of Benitez, and fall-outs with star player Sneijder have painted an ugly portrait for many supporters. Qualification for the next round of the Champions’ League has been a saving grace for Rafa, though Inter still only won half their games in the group stage, losing 4-0 on the final day to Werder Bremen. Inter now sit 7^th in Serie A, form that sees Benitez added to Santa’s naughty list.

Luis Suarez

 We should have seen it coming after his dastardly hand-ball in the quarter finals of the World Cup against Ghana. Last year Suarez scored 35 goals for Ajax in the Erdivisie, but so far this season he’s only managed 7. Lack of goals is a problem, but that’s not the only reason the Uruguayan striker will find himself on Santa’s naughty list this year. In a match against PSV Eindhoven Suarez was caught on camera biting opponent Otman Bakkal on the shoulder behind the referee’s back. His attempt at cannibalism saw him handed a huge seven match ban. During his ban Suarez decided to do a little bit of stirring and hinted that he was on his way out of Ajax. Suarez’s name is printed in permanent ink on Santa’s naughty list for Christmas 2010, but rumour has it he’s considering creating a “Very Naughty” list specifically for Suarez. He can expect an empty stocking on Christmas morning.

The Underachievers

We’ve already discussed Inter’s disappointing start to the season, but they’re not the only big club underperforming. Liverpool have had a terrible start to life under Roy Hodgson, finding themselves in the relegation zone in October. Since then they’ve managed to climb to 9^th but have still only won once away in the league this season. They also lost to Blackpool at Anfield and have been less than spectacular in the Europa League. The Bundesliga is full of underachievers. Bayern Munich are 6^th, 18 points behind leaders Borussia Dortmund. Schalke are 10^th despite the arrivals of Raul and Juarado, Werder Bremen are 12^th and Stuttgart are in the relegation zone! Monaco are Ligue 1’s big underachievers, only outside the relegation zone on goal-difference after a start to the season that’s seen them score just 15 goals in 17 games. Inter aren’t the only side underachieving in Serie A, Fiorentina are 13^th. The Viola have only collected 19 points out of a possible 48 so far. Sporting Braga were runners up in Portugal last season, but have found the going tough this season; they sit 8^th in the table. Feyenoord are the big underachievers in the Erdivisie. The Netherlands’ second biggest club are 13^th and were humiliated 10-1 by PSV earlier in the season. All of the above have shamed the good names of their clubs and let the fans down. Therefore they all find themselves on Santa’s naughty list.

FIFA

The bad behaviour never seems to stop with this lot. Santa isn’t likely to concentrate on the two World Cup decisions as both Russia and Qatar had exciting bids. It’s unknown whether or not there was any corruption surrounding the vote on the World Cups in 2018 or 2022. Santa will concentrate on the constant stench of foul-play that wafts from FIFA HQ by the shores of Lake Geneva. Exterior investigations proved that two FIFA representatives were ready to accept payments in exchange for votes. BBC Panorama’s investigations have also proved not only that corruption is rife in FIFA’s top ranks, but that the organisation chooses to ignore the issue. Corruption at all levels stains the sport, but when the biggest decision-makers in football are guilty, it makes a mockery of the world game. The corruption alone is enough to place FIFA on the naughty list, but the dismissive attitude of Sepp Blatter on pressing issues is something that worries us all. Recently he joked that gay fans should refrain from sexual activity, in response to a question on Qatar’s ban on homosexuality. This is one of many disgraceful comments made by Blatter during his controversial time as head of FIFA that has been brushed away by football’s governing body. No questions when it comes to this one, FIFA are on the naughty list.

Wayne Rooney

Here’s a familiar name on Santa’s list. After a shocking World Cup Rooney has been nothing but trouble. Early in September off-field issues put his relationship with wife Colleen in peril. He was reported to have slept with a prostitute (again) whilst Colleen was pregnant. This seemed to have had a detrimental effect on his football. For most of the season Rooney has looked off the pace and distracted. His lack of focus on football was reflected when he put in a transfer request at Manchester United. Two days later he changed his mind on quitting the club when they offered to double his wages to an astounding £250,000 a week. Santa’s not a fan of greed at the best of times, but when said greed is so outrageous it tends to leave Santa reaching for his naughty list. Since the sour incident Rooney has failed to improve his on-field performances and the England striker’s yet to score from open play for his club this season. Rooney’s been a very naughty boy indeed.

LIGUE 1 STRUGGLES AGAINST FOREIGN COMPETITORS

So far this season the Premier League has seen 5 matches in which teams have scored six goals or more, including Manchester United’s 7-1 victory over Blackburn.  Six-goal hauls are also reasonably common in La Liga, especially when Real Madrid or Barcelona are involved. However such scorelines are very rare indeed in France. No team has scored six goals in a Ligue 1 match in the last five seasons. This goes a long way to explaining why Ligue 1 struggles to bring in the crowds like other major European leagues.

A look at the attendance tables of Ligue 1 paints a bleak picture for the French top tier.

The average attendance for a Ligue 1 match is 20,101. This is less than half the Bundesliga’s average attendance, more than 14,000 less than the English Premier League’s average, and considerably less than Spain’s average. Even in Italy where clubs are always battling for fans due to crowd troubles, corruption and the recent comparative failure of Italian clubs in Europe, the average is over 3,000 higher than in France.

On top of that only seven out of Ligue 1’s twenty clubs have an average attendance of more than 20,000, compared to eighteen in England and Germany. Ignoring Olympique de Marseille’s exceptionally high 52,115 average attendance, not a single French club has an average over 40,000.

France Football editor Denis Chaumier claimed in September that French football supporters would rather stay at home and watch some exciting Spanish or English football than go watch matches in Ligue 1. The English Premier League and Spanish La Liga promise fast, pulsating football with goals galore. Ligue 1 on the other hand has more goalless draws than any other major league in Europe.

Last week-end for example, only two games produced more than 2.5 goals in Ligue 1. Likewise only two Ligue 1 games saw both teams score. The statistics suggest that Ligue 1’s a bit boring. The statistics are spot on.

Since moving to France I’ve had the opportunity to watch many Ligue 1 matches and more often than not I’ve been left as satisfied as a Lion in a vegan food store.

Ultra-defensive, conservative and unadventurous football is the norm unfortunately. Many teams favour defensive 451 or rigid, inflexible 442 formations, which leave teams heavily dependent on strikers for goals. Teams are so desperate not to lose that they sacrifice all attacking flir in favour of more structured, operational tactics. These styles are very efficient, but also very bland.

After many discussions with French football fans I’ve come to the conclusion that most have three clubs. Each fan tends to support one of the French big 4 (Marseille, PSG, Lyon, Bordeaux), their local team and an English team. When asked which one they prefer to watch, they always give the same response; the foreign team that plays the good football.

French football is suffering due to the popularity of foreign leagues. Stadiums aren’t being filled, shirts aren’t selling and TV rights are going cheap. As a result clubs are unable to bring in the top players required to improve the league and the vicious circle continues.

This problem’s longstanding and by now most people have stopped trying to correct the status quo. Most of the genuine top class talent discovered by French clubs leave at a young age. The big rising talents of the last few years (Benzema, Nasri, Ben Arfa, and Obertan) have all left for big foreign clubs and left fans to devise star players out of mediocrity. The stars of Ligue 1 these days are Nenê, Payet, Gignac and Remy. They’re hardly world beaters.

The French league’s always struggled massively to compete with the likes of the English Premier League, Italian Serie A and Spanish La Liga. A look at Ligue 1 clubs’ shameful history in the Champions’ League and its predecessor the European Cup will tell you that Ligue 1 is one of the most overrated leagues in Europe. Portugal and the Netherlands have both seen more European Cup winners than France. The country that invented the European Cup has only produced one winner in 54 years. Marseille’s 1993 victory puts France level with Romania, Scotland and the former Yugoslavia when it comes to European Cup wins.

 We can all see that French club football’s never been that good. Ligue 1’s always been over-hyped as a result of the national side’s successes. What’s different is that these days there seems to be a real lack of interest in what goes on in France’s top division.

The modern Ligue 1 is no more than a feeder league for the Premier League, La Liga and Serie A. The competition leaves fans uninspired and just like the players, looking elsewhere for their top class football.

The solution is simple; heavy investment in the league so that clubs can lure the world’s finest players. Sounds easy, but we all know that when faced with a choice Arabian royalty and US oil tycoons are always going to see England as more fertile land for them to plant their seeds. Unfortunately the future still looks pretty bleak for Ligue 1.

MIKE ASHLEY ONCE AGAIN EMBARRASSES N.U.F.C

Mike Ashley’s at it again! Just when Newcastle fans think their club’s owner had stopped trying to fix what’s not broken he gets out his axe! Manager Chris Houghton is trigger-happy Ashley’s newest victim.  It seems promotion as champions from the Championship and early season stability in the Premier League isn’t enough for ambitious Ashley. Hasn’t the buffoon learned anything?

 Sam Allerdyce was made manager shortly before Londoner Mike Ashley bought the club in 2007. Allerdyce had an inconsistent start to the season and was sacked in January 2008 despite his side sitting comfortably above the relegation zone. In came the Messiah; King Kevin Keegan. This move was met with joyous celebrations by the Toon Army. Finally they could look forward to challenging for the title again, just like the last time Keegan was at the helm in the mid 90s!

Of course this never happened. Mike Ashley, being the football genius that he is, appointed Dennis Wise as director of football behind Keegan’s back. The messiah wasn’t too impressed by this move, and though he managed to stave off relegation, it was plainly obvious there was animosity between Keegan and his superiors.  In September 2008, after a transfer window where deals had been made behind his back, Keegan left Newcastle United for the third and final time, unable to continue with his owner’s meddling.

This was met by protests from irate fans, demanding Ashley’s resignation and Keegan’s reinstating. The reaction wasn’t what they’d hoped for.

Keegan’s replacement was the touchy former Wimbledon and Nottingham Forest manager, Joe Kinnear. Oh Dear!

Kinnear hadn’t coached since he suffered a heart attack as Nottingham Forest manager in 2004. His record as a manager was hardly spectacular, and his appointment as Newcastle manager was met with contempt by fans. He didn’t last long. A profanity-laden four and a half months at the helm at St. James’ Park came to an end when health scares forced him to relinquish his duties.

The club was in trouble, threatened by relegation with a star-studded squad showing signs of depression and frustration. Mike Ashley decided to cheer everybody up by bringing in another messiah.

Most religions aren’t lucky enough to have more than one messiah, but Newcastle fans seem to have a conveyor belt. Alan Shearer was the latest false idol. A catastrophic spell in charge saw one win against equally doomed Middlesboro, and relegation away at Aston Villa.

The club had rarely seen such lows. Shearer wasn’t allowed to continue with his train wreck, and unlike Newcastle United he rejoined Match of the Day for the 2009/2010 season.

His replacement was the quiet former Spurs number two, Chris Hughton. Many pundits predicted Newcastle’s plight would only worsen in the second tier of English football. However Chris Hughton proved to be the stable figure the fans had been praying for. Newcastle eased to the Championship title, playing forceful attacking football with a solid defence.

So far this season Newcastle have won 5, drawn 4 and lost 7 in the league, leaving them in mid-table. Their wins have included a victory over Arsenal at the Emirates, a 6-0 thrashing of Aston Villa and the humiliation of local rivals Sunderland, 5-1.

So why has Mike Ashley seen it fit to sack the most successful manager Newcastle has seen since Sir. Bobby Robson? “We’re looking for a manager with more managerial experience.”

This is one of the most pathetic official excuses for sacking a manager I’ve ever read.

Chris Hughton has done an outstanding job at rejuvenating Newcastle United, yet because this is his first job it’s thought he can’t be trusted to remain in charge without imploding spectacularly. Graeme Souness, Glenn Roeder, Sam Allerdyce, Kevin Keegan and Joe Kinnear all had far more experience than Hughton, yet none have been as successful during their stints at the club.

The truth is that Mike Ashley and his “cockney mafia” as they’ve been labelled on Tyneside got bored. Hughton was a calm character who was popular amongst fans and players alike. He had steadied the ship in his time in charge and reinstalled pride in the club. That wasn’t good enough for Mike Ashley who’s once again shown a lack of respect for his manager, the players, the fans and the club.

Rumours are that Mike Ashley’s target is Martin Jol, now that the jolly Dutchman has left Ajax following a disappointing stint in Amsterdam. Jol and Hughton worked together at Spurs and the two should have a long discussion before Jol considers applying for the hot seat at St. James’ Park.

The next Newcastle boss has got to be ready to work with one of the most difficult owners in English football. Geordies wish that for once they could say goodbye to the owner instead of the manager. Congratulations Mr. Ashley, you’ve once again managed to turn one of England’s greatest clubs into a laughing stock.When will you learn that if it isn't boken, don't fix it!